I never know if I am who I feel I am.
Am I deluded? Am I remembering thoughts that I couldn’t identify then incorrectly? Does wearing the clothing that FEELS right just mean that I want to be different? Am I kidding myself? Have I spent a year thinking about how my identity complicates a life that already had its own complications?
Am I an imposter? Do I not belong in this community? Am I just pretending to be someone I’m not, or have I been doing that all my life? Should I really be here?
Am I a failure? Have I spent all these years just not GETTING it? Were those years wasted? Is this just another facet of my scattered nature, never finishing what I start?
No I’m not deluded. This feels right. And I do remember all those thoughts I had, and all the trouble in school, and the bullying. And I realize that I even knew back then. I just didn’t realize what I knew.
No, I’m not an imposter. I belong. I belong in every community that I want to be a part of.
No, I’m not a failure. The years weren’t wasted. I’ve learned so much, and gained so much. And I walk forward knowing that almost everything I’ve gained won’t be lost.
I just hope those few things… aren’t lost either.